Peace, love and RDA lites
by Hoplite39
Summary: Pandora is on the brink of war. But there is one thing that can bring eternal love and lasting peace: RDA lite cigarettes.


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN AVATAR**

**Writer's forenote: This story is a satirical joke and should be read as such. Cigarettes are bad for your health and I do not condone smoking in any way. I just had to say this in case anyone wrongly believed that I am promoting smoking. Now we got that out the way, here is the story.**

After Quaritch shut down the link units after Jake sabotaged the dozer at the Tree of Voices, everyone was discussing the Na'vi and Pandora in the command centre.

"What we think we know." Explained Grace. "Is that there's some kind of electrochemical communication between the roots of the trees. Like the synapses between neurons. Each tree has ten to the fourth connections to the trees around it, and there are ten to the twelfth trees on Pandora..."

"That's a lot, I'm guessing." Said Selfridge sarcastically as he leaned back against the desk, arms folded.

"That's more connections than the human brain." Continued Grace. "You get it? It's a network - a global network. And the Na'vi can access it - they can upload and download data - memories - at sites like the one you just destroyed."

"They're just goddam trees." Sneered Selfridge. "What the hell have you people been smoking out there."

"in fact, now you mention it, I've been smoking these RDA lites." Said Grace taking out a packet of cigarettes. "Would you like one?"

"Actually, since you are offering." Selfrige took a cigarette from Grace as she offered the open pack to him. "Don't mind if I do."

"Anyone else want one?" Asked Grace offering the open cigarette packet around the room.

"Yes. Thank you Grace." Said Quaritch. "I've always wanted to try one of these."

Wainfleet, Jake, Trudy and Norm all gratefully took a cigarette. Grace took out her cigarette lighter and lit everyone's cigarette.

"Oh, would you all like some coffee?" Asked Quaritch. Everyone politely agreed. Quaritch went to the coffee machine and poured a cup of coffee for everyone. Soon everyone was puffing away contentedly on a an RDA lite cigarette as they sipped their coffee.

"OK, everyone." Selfridge was casually sitting on the desk with his cigarette hanging from his mouth. " Now that we have all settled down with a nice cigarette and a coffee, perhaps we can all calm down and resolve this Na'vi matter rationally."

"Yes, you are right Parker." Nodded Grace as she puffed on her cigarette. "Before lighting up this cigarette, I can see I wasn't thinking clearly when I suggested that the wealth of the planet is in the trees. It is obviously in the unobtanium. You are right Parker. They are just goddam trees. What was I thinking? We will have to get the Na'vi to move."

"I must also apologise to you, Grace." Said Quarich regretfully as he looked fondly at glowing embers of his cigarette. "Now that I am under the calming affect of the nicotine and caffeine, I now understand it was completely unreasonable of me to suggest that we use force against the Na'vi. This cigarette has made me understand that we can work together to get the Na'vi to move without unnecessary violence."

"Thank you, Miles." Said Grace taking another puff. "And I apologise for calling you Ranger Rick. Now that we are here having a nice smoke together, I realise that wasn't very nice of me."

"Thank you, Grace." Said Quaritch. "And I apologise for threatening to shoot you. This cigarette has made me realise that violence doesn't solve anything."

"Indeed. I am sure we can work everything out, during our numerous and lengthy cigarette breaks." Announced Selfridge. "After a few more cigarettes and cups of coffee, I am sure we come to a satisfactory agreement that will bring lasting peace to Pandora, and possibly to humanity as a whole."

"He'll, yeah!" Quaritch raised his coffee cup in the air. " Here's to peace, love and RDA lites."

Everyone raised their coffee cup to toast their agreement and took a further puff on their cigarettes.

"Hey, this is outstanding". Jake was blowing out rings of smoke. "I didn't realise smoking could be so much fun. It's even better than being a Na'vi."

"Exactly." Agreed Trudy. "Smoking these RDA lites with you guys is much better than flying a Samson."

"Yeah." Said Norm."I would much rather be here with you guys smoking a cigarette than flying round the wonderful unique floating mountains of Pandora any day."

"I just want to say something to you all." Grace smiled to everyone as she savoured the wonderful fresh taste of the RDA lites cigarettes on her breath and in her lungs." Miles, Parker, Jake, Trudy, Norm, Lyle. I love you all. These cigarettes have made me realise that."

"That was beautiful, Grace." Sobbed Quaritch, gently wiping a tear from his eye with the back of his hand that was holding his cigarette.

"Yeah, these cigarettes are great." Said Wainfleet as he puffed away. "Where can I get some, yeah?

* * *

**RDA lites are not available in a store near you, nor indeed anywhere else.**


End file.
